I've been silent for too long. I've kept my mouth shut. I was empty, locked by my own pain in a cage that no one could understand. The day I got my result was the day all my life break into pieces. They don't understand. They can't see how much this mean to me. I am my family encumbrance. I saw in mama's eyes. And abah was smiling when I looked deep inside of abah's eyes and when I told him "I'm sorry for everything" Abah pulled me into his arms "Abah is so proud of you, my little girl" Tears is cascading down my face. I pull mama and abah outside. Abah went to his car and mama and me went to mama's car silently. I lay down and looked out the window. Mama hold my hand wishing that I could stop being sorrowful. I couldnt find the right word to tell mama that I'm okay. So I just smile and let mama hold my hand.

Do you ever feel like you've let the one love the most down? Because I did. I know I shouldnt be this miserable but I am. I don't regret, Im just down. Why always me? Why can't I get like Jaja? Like Mama and Abah? This is not the only thing that caused me being like this. There's some other thing, part and circumstances. But I remember some article saying this :

"When you walk along the dark road and the blinking light and stars shining above you, you feel so down and full of sorrow because you've been putting your heart on something that you care about but the thing is every single thing you did manage to push you down to the floor. It is called life. Life has always been like that. It is not cruel, it's just giving you opportunity to get back up. Get up! Get up! Get up! You are strong. Strong enough to give yourself around of applause because you've made it through today. They are counting on you. Put on a smile, don't slouch head up high"